i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
FUCK WHALES
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