My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
