Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
