At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
