I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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