His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
