The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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