My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
