my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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