Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I smell stomach acid.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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