How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
