Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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