In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
