We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize