Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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