his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
