the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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