I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
