if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
