Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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