Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
