Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
