If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
should my penis look like a turkey
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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