Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
