apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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