wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
