i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
