The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
