The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
