he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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