The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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