I heard we made out
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
