i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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