I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
