I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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