He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
