Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
