My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
