I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
