Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
