1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
