Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
