dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
