I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
