Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
