Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
