you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
