I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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