Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I deserve this hangover.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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