Define "chronic" masturbator.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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