Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
