i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I don't deserve a penis
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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