Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
