She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
