It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize