i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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