I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
