It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize