sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
