If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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