Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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