My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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