Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My bed smells like the plague
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