I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
