Just took my morning after pill in the library
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
