Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
