It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
