And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
