Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
