he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
