I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
