she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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