Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize