I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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