All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
