The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
