Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
