There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
